Monday, October 17, 2011

F#%@in' Turner

My esteemed running colleagues and I wanted to go running at 3:00 P.M. Mountain Standard Time, but nooooo, Jake (F#%@in) Turner wants the group to wait until 3:05. Someone has forgotten their place on the team. We, the seniors, control Monday practice times. You, the freshie, control when you eat, sleep, and poop. All other decisions should be deferred to upperclassmen.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Run of Shame

I hop into my SmartCar
Heading to the R bar,
Slingin' out one-liners,
And duckin' from the minors
They be checkin' out my tank-top,
Fohawk, and all my bobs to hip-hop,
Now girl get your things, were gonna make this night a stand,
And I'm sayin right now I won't be a loving man,

Gonna make ya
Do the Run of Shame
My pad aint near a gas station, a highway,
the road doesn't even have a name.

It's thir-teen miles in any direction,
And I hope you don't mind this minor complication

Now you may have done the walk of shame,
But baby imma a runner, so you be playin' my game,
You shoudda paid more attention as we crossed the county line,
You said you liked to jog on Sundays, so I figured you be fine,
I'd drive you myself, but I usually skimp on gas,
So get on out that door or you'll be late to class,

Gonna make ya
Do the Run of Shame
My pad aint near a gas station, a highway,
the road doesn't even have a name.

It's thir-teen miles in any direction,
And I hope you don't mind this minor complication

As runner myself, I passed you at mile five,
You flipped me the bird to signal you're alive,
It aint my fault you're runnin in a skirt,
All I had on me was an extra t-shirt,
So I put on a smile and said see ya lata alligator,
Let me know if you need any extra toilet paper,

Gonna make ya
Do the Run of Shame
My pad aint near a gas station, a highway,
the road doesn't even have a name.

It's thir-teen miles in any direction,
And I hope you don't mind this minor complication

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Summer Hummer

Ladies and gentelmen I've come with a lesson,
You be the priest and I'll be confessin',
These aint about my sins, I've been watchin all of you,
You're hatin' on my game, it's all you do,

You haters think you're fly,
With knee-socks and a headband,
But wait, no one gives a sh**, cuz you got no fans,
That's right, now go away, except you Dan,

And I be runnnin that mile,
Workin for Kennedy,
Keepin my sanity,
Checkin out MILFs and hangin with Lyle,
These are my days, my nights, my summer,
And if I stay loyal, imma get that Hummer.

When I ran Whitefish, they treat me like a minor,
And I said FORGET YOU and a rude one-liner,
I got a line of babes, waitin' to get in,
To the Sethda Express,
Where it's buffets and good times, expect no less,
Then I be hittin' the road, preppin for tests

And I be runnnin that mile,
Workin for Kennedy,
Keepin my sanity,
Checkin out MILFs and hangin with Lyle,
These are my days, my nights, my summer,
And if I stay loyal, imma get that Hummer.

My 'rents sold the house, they're movin' south,
And I'm comin' to Bozeman spreadin' word-of-mouth,
Let's all get runnin, let's all get some sun in,
Cuz we got season in September,
And I hope you all remember,
That you aint gettin' nowhere with a negative 'tude,
Just ask Kevin, sometimes he's rude

But it's pretty neat that ya'll are bloggin,
I wish I could stay, but imma soon be joggin,
Here comes the chorus, use that noggin,

And I be runnnin that mile,
Workin for Kennedy,
Keepin my sanity,
Checkin out MILFs and hangin with Lyle,
These are my days, my nights, my summer,
And if I stay loyal, imma get that Hummer.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

What the French Toast?

Seriously, what the french toast?! I leave the country for 5 months and now all of a sudden the cross country team has ballooned to the size of a K-12 school! Why is Justin Bieber running? Why are we running on Alaskan time? How the f### are Carl and Pat still captains?

I quit.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Friends With Benefits

I was listening to the radio the other day on my daily commute to Costco when I heard an advertisement for the upcoming movie, "Friends with Benefits. I caught the tail-end of the ad, but the gist of it was that sometimes friends can be more than just friends. They can be friends with benefits. I assume "benefits" refers to some sort of intangible set of qualities that puts that friend a head above the rest. The one friend that comes to mind for me is Annelise.

Annelise and I are "friends with benefits" because she and I have the benefit of having a friendship without the work. From an outsider's perspective, Annelise and I probably don't look like friends because we don't have to behave like friends without benefits.

For example, most friends post on each other's walls for their birthdays. Annelise and I are such good friends that we have the benefit of skipping that exchange of internet pablum.

The worst part of having a serious friendship is having extensive time commitments together. One minute it's just a few hours longer than normal, and then all of a sudden your weekends, holidays and vacations are sucked up into the friend vacuum. Annelise and I made a deal up front that we would only hang out as friends when we wanted to, which as it turns out, was a surprisingly little amount of time.

Some friends talk on a daily basis and ask questions like, "How was your day?" or "Why can't you keep your hands off my boyfriend, b****? Annelise and I don't even bother acknowledging one another. We mainly communicate through a series of blinking, arm scratching, and coughs.

Ever since Adam and Eve, friendships have been weighed down by hours of boring conversation and endless commitments. That's why friends with benefits is so much better. It's like choosing store bought cookies over homemade; no work, no worries, no sweat.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

The Road Race to End All Road Races

I participated in the 2011 Whitefish Lake Run and it will unfortunately be my last. Not because my parents are moving to Albuquerque, not because I'll will be done with college running by next spring, but because it was the most unprofessional road race I've ever attended. I came into the race physically bruised and I left the race emotionally broken....

After some gibbosity in my right knee in the week leading up to the race, I was up in the air on my decision to race the night before. I talked in circles with G-unit (my Mom) and she bowed out after two "why don't you's" in. I lined up at the starting line alongside a myriad of road race regulars; there were the "happy and matching t-shirt families", washed-up high school athletes, ultra-marathoners who were using the 5k as their speed workout, and even the Vibram Five Finger "my-form-is-better-than-yours" snobs.

I amassed a considerable lead on 2nd place runner after five minutes. The race was well run up to that point. And showed its true colors.

The water station was a good three feet off the main road, to the point where runners would have to stop to get a cup of water. There were no gorgeous cheerleaders lining the sidewalks and chanting my name. There were arrows sprayed on the roads to guide the runners, but some critical intersections were not stationed by volunteers and so I did not run on the assigned 5k route.

I ran where I thought the route was; no one told me differently and the reality of my perception became clear when I crossed the not-typically-fast race in 14:22.

I wish I could tell you all that I ran a 14:22 that day, but it would be a lie, so I confessed my error and the race official mumbled something about disqualifying my time. My time. I understood this to be a mea culpa of sorts and that I would still be awarded 1st place. When the results were announced, however, I was not mentioned. It was if I had never raced at all.

And so I bid good day to the incompetent staff of the 2011 Whitefish Lake Run. May you find more than 3 volunteers for 2012.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Montana M.I.L.Fs

With summer finally arriving here in northwest Montana, there are more opportunities to mingle with tourists and plenty of members of the community I don't normally see. I have seen many M.I.L.Fs (Moms I'd like to Friend) around the Flathead Valley. They are at restaurants, grocery stores, and even on main street. I was chatting with one in Woodland Park the other day and she liked talking with someone her son's age because they offered a fresh perspective on life. I've gotten a chance to go on several lunch "dates" with this one mom, and let me tell you, she is just a delight to spend an afternoon with. Some of my friends ask me, "Seth, why are you hanging out with that cougar M.I.L.F?" (I believe a "cougar" is a female Bobcat fan) I tell them that summers in Montana is an excellent way to meet people that are a little bit older and yet still being just "one of the gals" at my Saturday evening hangout at DQ (Dairy Queen).


Friday, June 10, 2011

Apologies and Cloud Running

My friend Dan Jackson pointed out that my "tone" in my last blog may have come across to some as offensive. I am a sarcastic person at heart and it never seems to translate well online. Best wishes to his "blog".

Now on to Cloud Running.

Ever wish you could run in the clouds? Or hang out in the origin of a rainstorm? Now you can with the help of our friends, the Mountains. It all began with a run on 544. On a Tuesday.

For those of you not "in the know", 544 is one of the most divine running trails you can run on. It's nestled below the Jewel Basin and rises gradually in a dense canopy past roaring creeks. The way back is not knee-hurting-steepness, but is instead perfect for cruising speed. The kind of speed most people experience the coveted "runner's high".

Anyway, I was bounding up 544 and like any typical June day in MT, it was raining. Heavily. There was also a noticeable fog filling the spaces between trees. But it wasn't particularly foggy when I drove up to the trailhead. Then I realized something idiotically simple: I was running in the clouds. I was in the low-lying clouds that hugged the Swan Range each morning. This is as close as humans can get to cloud running. In some ways using the mountains is a bit of a cheat, but so is flying in airplanes, skydiving, and any other manufactured forms of flying. Not only was I running in the clouds, but the heavy raindrops were forming right over my head. If Mother Nature were using a shower-head to wash the earth, I was right near the top of the spout. It may sound like hippy existentialism. You might be saying, "Yeah, so what?" But it's moments like these that make me thankful to be a runner. So go forth and experience your own form of runner's high.

You just might end up in the clouds.

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Lessons, Adventures, and the Wannabes that Follow

A lot of people think they can wake up one day and create a blog. These people have seen amazing blogs and think that they too have important life lessons to dish out. Well folks, I hate to break it to you, but it's not that easy. A blog is more than words on a webpage. It's more than slinging a few jokes and bouncing ideas off a fan-base. It takes time, dedication, and most importantly, well-put-together thoughts (also known as Sethoughts). I wish all the best to my fellow wannabes, but we all know they'll probably end up writing increasingly desperate blogs for attention (DBFA). That is what happens when amateurs think they can hit it big on the world wide web (WWW). Their recklessness leads them to a path of self-destruction and terrible, hacky puns.

On a quick side tangent I would like to say a few words about the word "literally".

There are those out there, I will not name names, who use "literally" too much. It becomes a crutch in their lexicon, a cortisone shot for their pain , or a stick of butter in their baking. In other words, there is a time and place to utilize objects, but not at every opportunity. "Literally" needs to be used in moderation because it loses meaning with each pause-filling dump in conversation. Let's take a look at this example conversation I overheard at the local deli:

Person A: I heard you got slammed at the car wash yesterday.

Person B: We were LITERALLY washing cars for four hours straight. I mean it was nonstop. There had been a few busy days last week, but we LITERALLY ran out of soap in the first hour.
Person A: Wow

Person B: I LITERALLY went insane.

Even though Person B used literally in the correct context the first two times, it was still one time too many because no one should use literally in back to back sentences. Once literally was used a third time, it was used unrealistically and well past the point of meaning.

Save those literallys. A little goes a long ways. Do you know how AXE Body Spray became a disgusting fragrance in locker rooms across the country? One tool thought to himself, "When I use this deodorant, it makes me smell good. I should use half a can after every shower and I'll smell that much better!" This is simply not true and because of a select few individuals, AXE has gotten a bad rap and no longer functions as deodorant.

On a running-related note, here is a video of me running in Southern Spain. It was in Malaga, one of the oldest cities in Europe.


Saturday, May 7, 2011

Finally Saw a Butterfly Today

I found this gem the other day, so I'd thought I would share it with you guys...

Owl City - Butterfly Wings

If I was a raindrop
Would you be my thunder storm?
It's cold so surround me
With rain clouds to keep me warm

I feel like I'm falling
So darling, don't let me go
The thought is appalling
But should I slip away
Into the stormy sea will you remember me?

Asleep in our warm cocoons
We dream of lovely things
We're both gonna wake up soon
So we hope that tomorrow brings
Us our butterfly wings

If I was a grain of sand
Would you be Miami Beach?
So dusty with starlight
Close your eyes and cuddle close to me

I'll try not to wake you
Or make a sound while you're dozing off
But in the night should the high tide
Sweep me away from you
Tell me again, my dear, will you be waiting here?

Whenever we leave the ground
And take to the sky
I'll smile as I'm gazing down
'Cause I've always wondered why
We won't need feathers to fly

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

The Interview You've All Been Waiting For...

There's been a lot of crazy rumors about what kind of shape Seth is in, what he has been up to in the U.K., and his take on the royal wedding. Luckily I am a close friend and talk to him almost on a daily basis, so I figured I should interview him for the blog. I sat down with him in his London apartment last Sunday fresh off of his bachelor party with Prince William.

Sethoughts: First things first, several sources have said you are not doing the Glacier Challenge this year. Are you out of shape? Can you even run a 10k under 40 minutes?

Seth: That's a lot of questions, Sethoughts! I'll address your first question. Those are wild accusations. I am not in the best shape, but that's only because I'm not racing. I just ran 11 miles the other day and barely broke a sweat. I am opting out of the Glacier Challenge because it is an insult to lose to older less athletic people in faster kayaks and canoes every year. As much as I love Glacier Bank as the main sponsor, they have failed to prepare the teams for the highly competitive water legs each year. Currently, I plan to run in the 10k of the 2011 Whitefish Lake Run. It will be a good warm-up for my summer training of 90 mile weeks.

Sethoughts: Are you worried that your teammates back in Bozeman will treat you with disrespect when you arrive back in the states?

Seth: I love my teammates and Kevin, but they have a tendency to be jerks on Thursdays anyway, so there will be little surprise there.

Sethoughts: Tell us about Prince William's Bachelor Party. Was it as amazing as the wedding?

Seth: We barely made it to the wedding because Bill, I mean Prince William, disappeared on us the night before. We all woke up in Buckingham Palace not knowing where to even start to look. But after a few hours of detective work (I hooked up with Kate Middleton's sister, Pippy. How crazy is that?!) and determination (a few minutes from calling off the search altogether, actually) we found him wandering Parliament in his underwear. We gave him a Redbull, changed into our Prince suits on top of a double-decker bus, and showed up in the nick of time.

Sethoughts: Wow! That sounds intense! You've been away from your roommates Andrew and Carl for awhile now, is there anything you miss about living with them?

Seth: No.

Sethoughts: The MSU team has really gelled since you left in January. Do you think you will still get the coveted 'Team Captain' position next fall? What would be your first decision?

Seth: It's really up in the air right now, I guess. But IF I were to somehow be so lucky, I would definitely implement my shave-when-you-PR rule, or SWYPR for short. Each member of the team would set a time to run under and then when they break it during season, they are then allowed to shave their head (or face if they want to be a sissy about it). I haven't fully worked out the kinks. We all would shave our heads before the conference meet in case there is anyone still with a full head of hair left.

Sethoughts: Are you sure you can even make them do something so stupid like that?

Seth: Listen, when I'm captain I will be an unstoppable force. Who do you think you are calling my rules stupid? You're stupid! What kind of a moronic name is 'Sethoughts'?

Sethoughts: I am just asking something that I think the majority of the team would question. There's no need to get worked up over it.

Seth: That's it. This interview is over.

At that point in the interview, Seth had security escort me to the lobby. I attempted to contact him several times to reschedule the rest of the interview, but he did not return any of calls. I will update the readers of the blog when I am able to talk with him.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Things that Grind my Gears

You may have been talking with friends earlier this week, wondering about what some of the differences are over in the UK. It could be in line for a cup of coffee or maybe out on a hospital loop run. It might be something like this:

Tanner: Hey Dan.

(Dan keeps running)

Tanner: DAN!

Dan: What?

Tanner: Do you think that Seth has a hospital loop that he runs on in England?

Dan: No, Tanner. First off, Seth hates the hospital loop in the states. Secondly, they don't call them hospitals over there, they're called "spitals". And thirdly, Seth is probably too fat to run from all the fish & chips he's been eating.

These are all valid points, but it makes more sense for me to tell you guys the differences. Here's a list of them, in no particular order.

1. Like everything else over here, the roads are smaller, often only wide enough for one car to pass through even if it's not a one-way. This causes a whole slew of problems such as ambulances trying to get to the spitals. Drivers can see an ambulance coming, but there is literally no place for them to pull over. The streets are lined with cars and they are already pulled over to let the other flow of traffic through. That's three cars trying to maneuver in a car-and-a-half space. I've never seen an emergency vehicle go over 30mph here in Exeter.

2. Police officers wear bright, neon-green jackets as their uniforms. They all remind me of crossing guards.

3. I run with this French guy who speaks ok English. He calls "workouts" training. It's a small difference, but I still get caught off guard whenever he asks me if I want to do some "training" during a run.

4. Instead of the phrase, "How are you?", they say, "Are you alright?" Again, this is a subtle difference, but any first reaction by an American would be to respond defensively. In the states, we only ask if someone is alright if we suspect that they are not well. It took about ten conversations of sheer confusion before I caught on.

5. Macaroni and cheese at it's cheapest level comes in a can. One cannot buy boxed macaroni and cheese. You can make it from scratch, purchase it frozen, from the deli, or from the can, but there is no box substitute.

6. Cookie dough and most forms of instant cookie/cake/cinnamon roll variations that you or I could find in any Walmart are nonexistent in the UK.

7. Jeggings are all the rage over here. Also fashionable: jean shorts over fishnet stockings.

8. Leaf-letting, campaigning, and all forms of annoying solicitation is a daily event here. They don't send their kids to preschool, instead they are dropped off at street corners promoting the latest charity event. This could be a city related trend, but I suspect otherwise.

9. Families have strollers here, but sometimes they are quite short or the kid is riding a tricycle low to the ground. In either case, the parent has a long handle to push their kids along. The cheaper families simply tape a 2x4 to the back of the tricycle and push them along without stooping down.

That's enough for today. I hope you guys have a good day!


Wednesday, March 2, 2011


Hey guys, I've been busy lately. Sorry I haven't been posting as much.
Good job at conference! It looks like you guys had a lot of fun in good ol' Pocatello. I look forward to running that track for the first time next year. I'll be throwin' down the PB's!

Speaking of PB's, I bested my previous performance of most random track with a new track in Taunton, UK. You see, the Exeter track is being resurfaced for the month of March. So we have to pile into a mini-bus and drive 30min to the neighboring town of Taunton at their high school track. As many of you know, land is uber-valuable here. More valuable than chicken tenders in the SUB. So naturally, that area in the middle of the track should be put to better use.

There's a lacrosse field in the middle. You have to go through a gate to get to the track and ANOTHER gate to get to the interior field.

Anywho, I'm off to Venice this weekend. I'm not sure where I will be running, but it should be fun nevertheless.

Do some sub-rattin for me


Sunday, February 20, 2011

Rain, rain, go away.

It's been raining here quite a bit. There were some partly sunny sessions this past weekend, but for the most part, there has been a lot of rain and a lot of mud, or as the French call it, "la boue" (boo). Speaking of Frenchies, I did the infamous 30sec, 30sec, 60sec hill workout with one. I trounced him on the fifth set, but that's standard in the history of the French-American running rivalry. I have also learned how to say left: "à gauche", right: "droit", and straight: "droite".

Pat made sure to tell me that he and Dan are "killing" the workouts, Jared has "two" speeds, and that Tanner is "constantly frowning".

Also, Garbage, get on that twitter. ASAP

I'll post a video soon. I promise. Good luck at conference!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

The Road to Recovery

First off, I want a make a shout-out to the MSU track team for putting up a CLUTCH performance on Friday night. Looks like everyone posted some PB's or close to it. Keep up the good work!*

*Except Kevin. Listen, Kev, I know you have been sandbaggin' in workouts till the last 400m rep and then try and go toenail-to-toenail with Pat. No one is impressed, so just stop it right now. I mean it. Do the full workouts each time and then maybe by the end of the season in a super windy snowstorm when Pat isn't feelin it....THEN and only then can you show off your chops.


In other news, I have visited the Exeter Track club and jumped into a ladder workout 400m-600m-800m-800m-600m-400m. I'm not in Alistair Cragg shape, but I'm slowly but surely getting there. And wouldn't you know it, there's a Dan on the Exeter team as well. That's about as exciting as the jam on my cream tea.

On the topic of food, I will try and record a "Cooking with Uncle Seth" segment each week to show you what I'm eating over hear in GB. It isn't really a radical change from typical American food, but you guys get as excited about facebook threads as Brits do over deep-fried eggs, so I know a video of SOMETHING will get a verbose response.

So stay tuned for something later in the week. Do some sub-rattin for me too, I miss it dearly


Friday, January 21, 2011

Starting to run again...

Some of you may have heard through the "rumor mill" that I was collecting disability checks from my tendinitis in my hip/buttocks area. These rumors are true, however, I have found that I have been able to run 7-9 kilometers a day now and I'll try to get back on the Pain Free Train (PFT). I'll probably have to take the Rehabilitation Taxi to get to the station though.

Good luck on your races this Friday boys. I'll be thinking of you while I sleep!


Saturday, January 15, 2011




Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Lampin around in the DFLF

A nice Alaskan let me borrow his vehicle to a nearby camping spot. I saw the aurora borealis last night and it was awesome!!!! I also have been reading a state guide that tells me Alaska is the "Dead F***ing Last Frontier" or " "DFLF" for short, which, I found was odd.


Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Stuck in Anchorage

Hey guys! I'm stuck at the Ted Stevens Anchorage International Airport on a layover to Europe. :( I called Jared to come entertain me, but he said he was busy "dogsledding" and hanging out with one of the Palin kids. Some teammate he is. They tell me I'll be able to catch the next flight to London on Friday, so everyone cross your fingers!!!!!